As we grow up, many young people dream of what it will be like when they’re a mummy or daddy. They imagine how amazing it will be to have a little one to love and care for, and how good they will be at it. Moments filled with love, joy, and seamless parenting moments. A child’s dream is always rosy!

As we become parents, whether planned or by surprise, we can be challenged by the contradiction of what we imagined and the reality!

This meme that has been circulating recently really hit home how stark the difference can be:

And then there’s those who set off on a gentle stroll through the summer meadow to parenthood, but ended up getting lost with a snowstorm and the Himalayas to climb before they even got as far as birth or holding a baby! Some find themselves navigating through miscarriages, IVF, stillbirth, neonatal death, and surrogacy. To those who’ve weathered these storms, we see you – we see your strength and resilience.

As naive children we see the simplicity of life, but as adults we find out that it’s not always easy.

The social media portrayal of pregnancy and birth often swings between two extremes – the glowing, effortless experience, and the painful, screaming ordeal. And then we see a new mum, back in shape, being active and looking glamorous within days of birth. The baby slotting into the parents life without too much disruption. The “good baby” that sleeps through the night and settles easily with loving grandparents who step in to allow the parents to go on date nights.

A picture perfect little family, glowing in a bubble of love.

The reality of sickness, hyperemesis, physical changes, and the emotional toll tends to be overshadowed. Little airtime is given to the accommodation of a changing body shape, grief for the birth we planned, and the hormonal rollercoaster that accompanies the perinatal period. 

Our bodies have done an amazing thing; growing and birthing a baby. And then more hormones kick in as we continue to feed and nurture our babies once they’ve arrived. I often wonder if we could have had ‘joey pouches’ like Kangaroos. Then again we get to style out those years with beautiful slings and carriers to make caring for our young much easier.

This is why I think of the Perinatal period is more like an expedition – we can plan all we want, but until we set off we don’t know what the journey is going to be like for us! Mental health statistics during this period reveal the potential disruptions many face.

Mental health statistics show us how many people have a disruption to their mental well-being during the perinatal period – this is the time of pregnancy and for the year after birth. It begins in the decision to become a parent, due to the potential heartache of low fertility, and lasts for 2 years after birth, with many of us having changed our lives dramatically to accommodate the needs of our children.  We, at Parent Sanctuary, have experienced our own challenges, losses, and conflicts but have found solace and healing through shared experiences within our supportive community.

We have been leading walks for over 3 years now. Each of us has had our own losses, heartaches and challenges in parenting, we have had conflict with ourselves and with those we love. We have had birth trauma, and the difficulty of serious health conditions to contend with. We’ve shown up, put one front in front of the other, practicing what we preach for self care and self kindess until we felt prepared to talk with others about our problems. We saw how with time and a supportive community our biggest problems feel much less than when we were processing alone –helping to heal our hearts one step at a time.

This week marks our birthday – Parent Sanctuary has been leading walks since June 2020 and officially became a sanctuary in February 2021.

We want to emphasise that everyone is welcome to join our walks, regardless of mental health conditions or characteristics. We operate on a donation basis and offer free walks to all. Through our activities, we aim to enhance physical and mental health, support early childhood development, and foster a sense of community. Some of our donations go towards running costs (website, booking system, accountancy) and some goes towards staff wages. We also apply for charity grants to make sure that we can continue to provide our walks and supporting new parents.

Walking together can be both proactive and restorative for mental well-being. It keeps depression at bay, releases endorphins and oxytocin, and provides a space for shared experiences and learning. We all work together, some walks are easy where conversation flows and time passes quickly. Other walks are harder with harsh weather, children exerting their choices wilfully, or having miscalculated snacks. But every time we go out, we get a sense of achievement, a happy glow at what we did manage (despite the unexpected), a buzz from the fresh air, and a warm heart from the gathering of supportive community.

We support parents and their families with their mental and physical health – we also aid early childhood development through nature based activities – look out for a new blog on that coming soon.

To find out more follow our socials or come out for a walk with us.