It’s not often to read a story where the pandemic positively affected someones mental health, and whilst I am well aware of my privileges that enabled this to be a positive experience I am also acutely aware of how much it adversely affected others.
Preparing for the twins’ arrival
My tale begins a few weeks before lockdown at my mother blessing (a mother blessing is taken from a First Nation tradition of a ‘Blessingway’, it focuses on helping the mother prepare mentally and spiritually for birth and connects her in a circle of support from her female family and friends).
As we sat and thought about our fears for the coming months, I don’t think COVID & lockdown featured, but health of our children and families certainly did, I came to realise that my biggest fear facing me for the coming months was not birthing twins at home, nor breastfeeding them. But the intensity of newborn life affecting my sons attendance at school – could I get him to school and my daughter to the childminder on time? We performed a ritual of burning our fears to release them, and my friends chatted amongst themselves to see how they could fit into their days coming over for early morning to take my child to school. A plan was forming, but in a few weeks we would have more serious fears to contend with.
Lockdown and babies
I birthed the twins at home as planned and we had cautious visits from our midwives and distanced visits from our parents who would sit at a distance and look at the babies in my arms, I could feel their desire to hold them and coo them – but we were COVID cautious. I had been shocked that we hadn’t been told that school was cancelled on the birthing day, I had heard from the education settings I worked in that it was coming, and my nursing knowledge meant that I was sure that leaving it another week was a bad call! If it was really that bad. For the next week my husband took the children to school and the childminder, my son in reception, pleased that daddy was able to be hands on and there for him. Then we were locked down. My husband classed as a key worker was adamant he would be back into work after his 2 weeks paternity leave. As it happened with hotels shut, work reduced to the bare minimum and he was furloughed for 9 weeks. Giving him 11 weeks to bond with our children. Grandparents were reduced to cooing through the windows or via video call. Schooling free and in keeping with our twins needs.
Our early breastfeeding journey was challenging, twin 2 struggled to latch due to a recessed chin, something I wanted to see the Osteopath for – but we were locked down. I was able to access video call and perform massage as instructed by (Huddersfield Osteopathy) the osteopath, support from the lactation consultant (Locala Infant Feeding) and topping up with expressed breast milk we got to a point of ease and tapered off the top ups which were stressful and time consuming.
Our babymoon was beautiful, I wasn’t upset that we were locked down. I didn’t feel like I was missing out on baby classes. I didn’t feel isolated thanks to technology. I felt secure in my home. I felt excited to go for walks and to carry the twins in slings. They were 9 weeks old before they rode a car for the first time – to go for their hearing test. They, and we, had all we needed here at home. And once Grandma could be in our bubble, we had the help we needed to manage four children and a home. We played in the garden, we decorated (who didn’t), we walked, and we were amazed by how much food our older children could eat (and the rocketing cost of food!).
Our early weeks could have been so much different; help, routine and friends cooing over my babies would have been lovely, but I think of how hard it is to meet everyone’s needs and get to places on time, and how stressful that could have been for me and I am filled with happiness that the world stopped and allowed us time to be.
Time to just “be”
I feel our journey into twindom was greatly benefited by lockdown, in the UK we’re culturally very much focused on bouncing back after birth. Weightloss features highly in our postpartum advertising, even through the RCOM sponsorship from WW, the classes you can attend from birth to help your child develop including massage and sensory experiences, postpartum exercise classes, newborn photography. With my first child I got to 6 months and realised just how little time we had at home together, we were attending groups and classes everyday, he had a better social life than me! What’s more I was paying to attend these classes and yet I was feeling lonely, nothing was addressing my need for self-development as a parent – everything was focused on doing, with not enough time being. With the twins, we were so much more relaxed, able to meet their needs, and the needs of the family and I even had enough left in my cup to support other parents online, I had 4 children, and my husband around me, I had my garden, and I live rurally. This all made a big difference to my mental health. I can only imagine the isolation of a first time parent with a newborn and partner at work in the bedroom or office.
In other cultures there is more emphasis on supporting the parent to be, as mentioned earlier the First Nation tradition of Blessingway – is about celebrating rights of passage, much different to the western version of bringing the baby gifts. In Latin America a period of time known as “La Curentena” encourages the mother to rest, heal, bond and feed the baby for 40 days, whilst other family members look after the home. This 40 days seems to be a pattern throughout the world with focus on the mother health and rest, with Japan, China, Korea and some parts of Eastern Europe encouraging laying in. And whilst it can seem idyllic it is not without caution – being immobile increases your risk of deep vein thrombosis, people may be at risk of domestic abuse, isolation without nurturing support of the parent can have long term negative effects on mental health, and some historical traditions may actually be damaging to health – such as through not bathing or meeting personal hygiene needs, the practice of discarding colostrum and feeding the baby other substances than breastmilk or artificial breastmilk substitutes.
Our aim through Parent Sanctuary is to reintroduce “being” as opposed to “doing” to nurture the parent to be in a position to make their own choices in parenting and life, to improve confidence in their own innate wisdom and to have the mental strength to tackle the difficulties that parenting brings. We do this through our walks, suitable from pregnancy to preschool. Where we take 2 hours to cover a mile and a half! Where we stop and notice the world around us, and generate wonder and intrigue. Our free form time with parents allows for conversation and mutual learning, it gives space for friendships and self development, it nurtures the parent in nature, and is welcoming to babies and children’s needs.
In addition to this we have our “outside in” baby sensory classes, where younger babies can explore the feel and textures of the outdoors, in a warm and safe environment. Book your places now.