Breastfeeding is natural, like learning to walk, not natural like breathing
Like many women in the UK, I always imagined I’d try breastfeeding my baby. I thought it was a given, the “right” thing to do to give my baby the “best” start in life. My sister and I had been breastfed as babies, so within my immediate family it’s considered the norm, and an important part of motherhood. I thought it would be easy…
My husband and I attended antenatal classes during my first pregnancy (pre-COVID). The midwives and health visitors, like many healthcare professionals, used phrases like “breast is best” and touted visions of ease, gentle, loving looks and beautiful bonding moments. They told us of babies’s innate ability to feed and showed videos of the fabled breast-crawl, where baby moves up to the breast to feed at just hours old. Magical.
It’s not always easy…
My best friend was pregnant at the same time as I was. She was due to give birth three months before me. We shared the excitement of first pregnancies together; prenatal yoga, food cravings, swollen feet. I was away from home when her little girl was born. But I was delighted to hear that she’d delivered her baby naturally, without intervention or drugs, and that both mum and baby were doing really well. Just like we’d both wanted for giving birth. I was so proud of her.
By the time I got back and called round to meet the baby, the picture was a little different. My friend was in a whole world of pain from the stitches she’d needed after delivery. And, worse than that, the baby was struggling to feed…
The dreams of breastfeeding on the sofa until baby slips into a milk-drunk sleep had evaporated. They were replaced with screaming, crying (both mum and baby) and strangers maneuvering her nipples into baby’s mouth. This was followed by weeks of pumping, cup feeding and attempting to breastfeed. Chapped nipples, raging hormones, and a hungry baby…
And the guilt. Oh the guilt that she experienced. She had so so wanted to breastfeed her baby. And genuinely believed that “breast is best”. So much so that she spent the next 12 weeks with her breast pump glued to her sore nipples, waking up in the night to pump and warm bottles. She managed to give her baby breast milk exclusively during this time, but at huge detriment to her own mental health. She was exhausted.
She tried. She did her best. She did everything she was told to, and then some. But it just wasn’t working – for anyone.
Eventually, she switched to formula feeding. I don’t think she’d put herself under the same pressure to breastfeed if she has another baby. Formula feeding worked well for her family and her baby (now 2.5 years) is thriving. Giving formula isn’t bad for baby, but not gaining weight and a stressed-out mum is. Babies need nutrition to grow and develop. But formula can almost be considered a medicine, and there’s nothing wrong with taking medicine if you need it.
My own breastfeeding journey
After watching this unfold in the final weeks of my own pregnancy, I was worried. This breastfeeding business isn’t as easy as they make out? How can I prepare myself? How can I give myself the best possible chance at this?
The last few weeks of pregnancy were boring. I was ready, so ready, to meet my baby. But my baby wasn’t ready to come yet. I felt like a whale, could barely lift myself off the couch. It was June, I felt hot, bothered and fat. I sat in the garden and read. One book I’d recommend is “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding” by La Leche League. I’d also recommend the KellyMom website. Aside from this, I kept reading my hypnobirthing stuff and “What to Expect”.
My experience of breastfeeding my daughter was, in fact, magical. We have a bond that will never be broken. But it’s a journey. And it definitely had it’s ups and downs. There were times when I cried at night, there were times she bit me, there were times when I just wished my husband could take the reins and feed her instead.
One thing I didn’t expect was to still be breastfeeding her at two years old. I didn’t think I was one of “those” mums. But actually, the more I read, the more people I met, the more I talked to my own mother about breastfeeding, the more I realized that it’s our own journey. The World Health Organisation (WHO) recommends breastfeeding until age two, with exclusive breastfeeding up to six months and the introduction of solids gradually over that time.
Healthcare and Education
If you look at statistics in the UK, only 75% of babies are exclusively breastfed at six weeks old. This drops to just 2% at six months. So what’s going on?
There’s so much information available, yet some of it conflicting. At the start of our parenting journey, we’re repeatedly told that breastfeeding is best for our babies. So why are so few women sticking with it?
Many mothers experience difficulties breastfeeding a newborn. They’re adapting to their new life as a parent, they’re learning on-the-job. There are so many things that I know now that perhaps would have helped my friend with her breastfeeding journey. But I was like a rabbit in the headlights, watching her struggle. Now I’ve seen so many different ways of parenting, different ways of feeding, different attitudes to your own kids – that I understand that one-size-fits-all terms like “breast is best” are inappropriate.
I feel as though more support, more understanding from friends and family and more shared experiences from other mothers would help those who are struggling to get started with their breastfeeding journey. Our healthcare system is fantastic in many ways, but it’s overstretched, underfunded and unable to give individualized care to parents. Well-meaning health visitors and midwives can give conflicting advice, that we perhaps take too literally thanks to our faith in medicine – without considering how holistic parenting is; how it affects you (the parent), the baby and those around you.
One of the benefits of peer support sessions and groups like Parent Sanctuary is that you get to meet people who’ve gone through very similar experiences, but not necessarily dealt with them in the same way. I’ve met parents who’ve battled through all kinds of feeding struggles; from food allergies (that can be passed through breast milk), to tongue and lip ties, to complete feeding aversions. Each of these families is dealing with the challenges of raising their infants in different ways. And it’s fascinating to see, and to really understand that there is no right and wrong way of doing things.
Come along to one of our walks or meet-ups to share your experiences, help other parents and talk through your own difficulties. We aim to create a safe environment where you can open up if you need to, but there’s no pressure.